"suck my left one"

I woke up and could still feel it.
A tugging.
Like a long thick braid down your back, the weight of a ponytail swinging.
The baby I was nursing on my left breast was just like that, a ponytail piece of me.
It was faceless, nameless, sexless- just a part of myself nursing.

It wasn't
"my baby" as much as it was me with me.
In waking life I thought it odd that I was not terrified of it, of accidentally killing it.
But in the dream it was natural,  a thing to do, getting my nails done,  unlocking the front door, nursing a baby.
I held it with one arm while other dream activities happened around my head outside of me,
it nursed and once I fixed it back on when its kitten like mouth face unhooked from my nipple, like a bike pump "pfffffft" -ing off the skinny tire


I was not terrified
I was just a human acting like a human in a dream

If I could in real live life be guaranteed to have a kitten baby I would do it in a second.
A pink fluffy kitten without dander or poison claws or fleas.
Curled up in a circle, on my circle belly, a sleeping circle
sleeping.

quiet shapes and colors I can manage.

I can still feel the sleeping circle attached, my left arm shaped like a "U", my breast loaded with milk, a ghost weight hanging there.