I am assuming most humans feel this way in their own way?
I suppose I know how to inhabit a body fairly well, being a mover for a living, being a figure painter and all, you know really "seeing" mine and others bodies.
But emotionally my body feels like this tangle of fibers-threads and yarn and twine, ribbon, floss, wire, feathers, dust, Easter grass, stray hairs, wool, cassette tape ribbon, cotton balls, burlap and a million other textures all woven and ripped apart over and over creating a gritty colorful but overwhelming mass.
It's like if you performed open heart surgery on a vacuum cleaner bag that's been vacuuming around for eternity.
At the bottom is all the heavy stuff.
Marbles, broken glass flecks, quarters, googley eyes, bobby pins, nail clippings, staples, lost buttons, twisted earrings, other things too that I'm not interested in figuring out yet.
I had this experience my whole life where I look in the mirror and I am baffled that I have a face that's in order. I describe it to friends like Mr. Potato Head. That I feel like my eye is in my ear and my nose is on my head like a hat and my mouth is in my eye hole...
I am not the most private or secretive person ever, so that's, I think why I am so jaw droopingly shocked, it just feel like this huge mis-match. Like I want the exterior self to reflect whats true.
How symmetrical and in order the face and body appear feels severely misleading.
I wanna just have a disclaimer, or an animal costume I can wear. Today I am actually a backwards polyester zebra with garbage disposal hooves and a broken zipper mouth.
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